Jesus returned from the Jordan full of the Holy Spirit and was led by the Spirit into the desert, where he was tempted by the Devil for forty days. In all that time he did not gamble, watch professional wrestling, or lust after go-go dancers.
The Devil said to him, “If you are God’s Son, order this stone to turn into a craps table.”
But Jesus answered, “The scripture says, ‘Man cannot live on craps alone.'”
Then the Devil took him up and showed him in a second all the kingdoms of the world. “I will give you all this power and all this wealth, ” the Devil told him. “All you have to do is wrestle me for it.”
Jesus answered, “The scripture says, ‘Worship the Lord your God and wrestle only Him!'”
Then the Devil took him to Jerusalem and set him on the highest point of Flash Dancers and said to him, “If you are God’s Son, take these dancers for an endless, wild orgy. For the scripture says, ‘God will order his angels to take good care of you.'”
But Jesus answered, “The scripture says, ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'”
When the Devil finished tempting Jesus in every way, he left him for a while.
with apologies to Luke 4.1-13